New Accounting Principles

  • P/E Ratio: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
  • Broker: What my broker has made me.
  • "BUY-BUY": A flight attendant making market recommendations as you stepoff the airplane.
  • Standard & Poor: My life in a nutshell.
  • Stock Analyst: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
  • Stock Split: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
  • Financial Planner: A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
  • Market Correction: The day after you buy stocks.
  • Cash Flow: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
  • Yahoo: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240. per share.
  • Windows 2000: What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo at $240./share.
  • Institutional Investor: Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house.
  • Profit: Religious guy who talks to God.
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